Japanese Firms Discover Competitive Edge: Require Men Masturbate Before Work

Japanese firms require men to masturbate before work
CEO Takashi Menaru introduced the benefits of masturbating before and during the workday.

CEO Takashi Menaru introduced the benefits of masturbating before and during the workday.

Any male teenager knows what it feels like when horniness overtakes you, and becomes an obsession that follows all day and right into your dreams. While men’s sex drive tapers as they age, the battle of the mind and libido continues, negatively affecting male behavior and productivity.

Japanese firms believe they have a solution that can change the world

“But as teenagers become adults, there is one thing that stays the same: gender,” said Suzuki HR Director Akio Wakmeo. “It’s fairly safe to assume that all the bloody wars, scalpings, fighting, torture and overall violent rampages we’ve seen throughout history were done by men, and this is our way of mitigating the impact of testosterone in the world.”

“I love the policy because I always felt guilty doing it in the bathroom before, and now I get paid for it!”

Longitudinal Reporting Indicators Are All Up; Benefits Keep Coming

Japanese male worker masturbates as required by management

Japanese male worker masturbates as required by management

Japanese companies all report excellent results with the masturbation requirement. Employee productivity has increased 35%, while sexual harassment incidents have dropped 90%.

One employee we spoke with who refused to give his name said, “I love the policy because I always felt guilty doing it in the bathroom before, and now I get paid for it!”

Japanese firms require men to masturbate before work

Japanese firms require men to masturbate before work

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Des Stonedeux

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Des Stonedeux - March 30, 2017

What about the transgender? What do they do?

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