Police departments nationwide over-delivered on Obama’s equal opportunity hiring quota with thousands of new jobs unexpectedly in canine divisions.
Dog Park Water Bowl Spiked with Viagra Yet Again; Police Press Conference a Viral Hit
With no leads and a very full room of journalists, police officials held a press conference yesterday to warn whoever has been spiking public dog water bowls (e.g. dog parks) with Viagra that “we are putting all of our resources into this investigation.” The department, once again, presented crime photos to “connect the sick […]
Seychelles Lisp Recidivism Association Phone Fund-Raiser a Flop
Volunteers for Seychelles Lisp Recidivism Association (SLRA) held their first Subsistence Fund-Raiser last week as a last effort to keep the small non-profit operating. SLRA has been struggling after losing its 501(c) status after they had a clerical mix-up that changed their status from 501(c) to 501(t), a license to […]
Black Man with Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome Ejaculates 12 Times During Rough Police Beating
Luther Kennedy, a 48 year old black man living in Corpus Christi, became another expense for tax-payers when he suffered 12 orgasms while being beaten and choke-holded by police officers during a routine traffic stop yesterday.
NASA Celebrates Exciting Discovery of Female Employee Worthy of Male Salary
NASA took its first giant step forward for “womankind” by announcing it had finally found a female employee qualified for male compensation.