Fulfilling his campaign promise to bring jobs back to the US, president Donald Trump declared today success. "Thanks to me alone, I brought those factory jobs too difficult for reasonable white workers back home to be filled by our hard-working migrant Mexicans - the good ones," Trump said today. "They do … Continue Reading
God no longer works in mysterious ways. After pouring over decades of data on subjects such as child mortality, automobile fatalities, freak accidents, and more, NASA researchers say they can explain why some children die horrible, painful deaths. … Continue Reading
Luther Kennedy, a 48 year old black man living in Corpus Christi, became another expense for tax-payers when he suffered 12 orgasms while being beaten and choke-holded by police officers during a routine traffic stop yesterday.
She was just a farmer’s daughter with an 8th grade education. “Everyone told me I was going nowhere…look how wrong they were,” she said.
Affirmative Action Quotas No Longer in Doubt After decades of “whitespeak” (Anglo-centric linguistics), the Scripps National Spelling Bee was forced by a federal judge last month to source 50% of its competition words from Urban Dictionary, a user-generated online dictionary that is considered a modern, multicultural reference for language. The ACLU lawsuit is one of […]
Tragedy ignites ABBA ban controversy in gay clubs
OSHA was “shocked and horrified” to learn of quality control workers at bullet-proof vest manufacturers who were taking hundreds of bullets in a shift with nothing to protect their ears from the loud blast of the gunfire. “We saw many pictures where management is wearing ear protection as they fire bullets into the vest of […]
Jim Davis, a 38 year old black man from Albany, NY was allegedly abducted and beaten by aliens sometime early Saturday morning. The aliens beat Mr. Davis with highly sophisticated techniques that have local police “in awe” and crime reviewers swooning. According to a police report filed the next day, the aliens beat Davis with […]
In 2016, 212 pediatricians of bullied and overweight children began reporting data anonymously to a University of Berlin graduate student as part of a study on bullying’s effects on the health of overweight children. The doctors were eager for the results of the study, as they long suspected results that no one else saw coming. […]
Police departments nationwide over-delivered on Obama’s equal opportunity hiring quota with thousands of new jobs unexpectedly in canine divisions.
Last Friday the federal government announced the gender pay gap hit 1.5%, the smallest pay difference between men and women since 1899, the year records started being kept. This historic announcement came with surprisingly little fanfare, as the women’s advocacy groups that fought like hell to achieve that goal knew that their progress was likely […]
Dancers say they have been objectified, degraded, and forced to do things to women of power
Koko, the gorilla famous for her sign communication skills and her relationship with comedian Robin Williams, joined the “me too” movement yesterday by announcing that she, too, had been sexually assaulted “three times last night and twice this morning” by a banana. While Koko’s vocabulary was unfamiliar with sexual harassment terms, she impressed animal behavior […]
It began with a few hotel guests calling the lobby to complain about loud country music and ended in a bloody massacre with at least fifty dead and more than 500 wounded. “Unfortunately, it took automated weapons and fifty lives to put an end to the intolerable country music,” said Blake Gibbons of Los Angeles, […]