heaven

Koko the Sign-Language Gorilla Joins “Me Too” Movement With Allegations of Sexual Assault

Koko, the gorilla famous for her sign communication skills and her relationship with comedian Robin Williams, joined the “me too” movement yesterday by announcing that she, too, had been sexually assaulted “three times last night and twice this morning” by a banana. While Koko’s vocabulary was unfamiliar with sexual harassment terms, she impressed animal behavior…

In Epic Wave of Brevity, Sexually Desirable Women Call Out Harassers

In response, men say they have turned their attention to less attractive and more willing women

Loud Country Music Forces Hotel Guest to Go Ballistic

It began with a few hotel guests calling the lobby to complain about loud country music and ended in a bloody massacre with at least fifty dead and more than 500 wounded. “Unfortunately, it took automated weapons and fifty lives to put an end to the intolerable country music,” said Blake Gibbons of Los Angeles,…

Black Man Abducted & Beaten by Aliens. Local Police “In Awe” of Sophisticated Alien Beating

Jim Davis, a 38 year old black man from Albany, NY was allegedly abducted and beaten by aliens sometime early Saturday morning. The aliens beat Mr. Davis with highly sophisticated techniques that have local police “in awe” and crime reviewers swooning. According to a police report filed the next day, the aliens beat Davis with…

Lottery Winner Inspires Others, “If I Can Beat the Odds, Anyone Can!”

She was just a farmer’s daughter with an 8th grade education. “Everyone told me I was going nowhere…look how wrong they were,” she said.

Poll: Should Aliens be Allowed into Heaven?

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