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You are here: Home / Archives for animal cruelty

Dog Park Water Bowl Spiked with Viagra Yet Again; Police Press Conference a Viral Hit

September 7, 2016 by Des Stonedeux

Dog Park Water Bowl Spiked with Viagra Yet Again; Police Press Conference a Viral Hit

With no leads and a very full room of journalists, police officials held a press conference yesterday to warn whoever has been spiking public dog water bowls (e.g. dog parks) with Viagra that "we are putting all of our resources into this investigation." The department, once again, presented crime photos to "connect the sick perpetrators actions to the very not-funny … [Read more...]

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Loud Country Music Forces Hotel Guest to Go Ballistic

Loud Country Music Forces Hotel Guest to Go Ballistic

It began with a few hotel guests calling the lobby to complain about loud country music and ended in a bloody massacre with at least fifty dead and more than 500 wounded. “Unfortunately, it took automated weapons and fifty lives to put an end to the intolerable country music,” said Blake Gibbons of Los Angeles, […]

Urban Dictionary Takes Center Stage at Scripps National Spelling Bee, Court-Ordered Affirmative Action a Success

Urban Dictionary Takes Center Stage at Scripps National Spelling Bee, Court-Ordered Affirmative Action a Success

Affirmative Action Quotas No Longer in Doubt After decades of “whitespeak” (Anglo-centric linguistics), the Scripps National Spelling Bee was forced by a federal judge last month to source 50% of its competition words from Urban Dictionary, a user-generated online dictionary that is considered a modern, multicultural reference for language. The ACLU lawsuit is one of […]

Black Man Abducted & Beaten by Aliens. Local Police “In Awe” of Sophisticated Alien Beating

Black Man Abducted & Beaten by Aliens. Local Police “In Awe” of Sophisticated Alien Beating

Jim Davis, a 38 year old black man from Albany, NY was allegedly abducted and beaten by aliens sometime early Saturday morning. The aliens beat Mr. Davis with highly sophisticated techniques that have local police “in awe” and crime reviewers swooning. According to a police report filed the next day, the aliens beat Davis with […]

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