In Epic Wave of Brevity, Sexually Desirable Women Call Out Harassers

Throughout the nation, women continued to come forward and accuse high-profile men of sexually improprieties after Harvey Weinstein’s accusers triggered a monumental movement that is still unraveling in the public eye.

History will remember the brave stand of these sexually desirable women who, together, said “enough is enough” and outed the men who (allegedly) sexually harassed or assaulted them.

The list of celebrities had grown to at least twenty high profile Hollywood names as of this morning, many of whom had been fired, resigned, or suffered the consequences of their actions in some other way.

While most men were (understandably) accused of targeting attractive women, Kevin Spacey’s allegations shocked the public. Spacey, who was accused of fondling men, women, and children indiscriminately, was expected to have higher standards.

“I’m shocked by Kevin Spacey, I mean, he’s such a big name, he should be harassing young hotties,” said Kyle Johnson, 17, of Long Island, NY. “I don’t understand getting that far just to grope a guy?? Shit, I can do that now and get away with it.”

Twitter blew up with speculation that men, fearing repercussion, would move on to less attractive women. Kyle Johnson of Long Island weighed in on that discussion. When asked about his Twitter comments, Kyle (who insisted on not being called “Mr. Johnson”) said, “so here is how it is…we’re not even talking fine bitches, we’re talking fuckable, which is generally considered a six if you’re sober and you’re friends are going to meet her. So the six through tens of the world have had enough of this shit, they’re tired, all right? So they said, ‘fuck this shit, we’re outta here’ and now guys are going to move on to the five’s. The five’s are all jealous of the six through tens for getting all the attention, so now it’s their turn and they’re going to eat it up. So that’s what I was saying on Twitter, but not everyone is down with that, some haters calling me some nasty shit for just saying what’s up” Kyle said.

Academics Explain Confusing Details

With so much confusion around why this is happening now and what it all means, the media called on their expert commentators for answers.

“To be clear, what we are talking about are women who are at least a six [on a scale of one to ten] being approached by men not in their league,” said Dr. Paul Joseph, a sexual psychologist at Brunswick University. “When it’s someone attractive doing it, it’s flattering and welcome. But when someone not in your league makes a move, it’s harassment.”