Taxpayers to Cover Costly Dry-Cleaning Bill
Luther Kennedy, a 48 year old black man living in Corpus Christi, was diagnosed in 2011 with a rare condition known as Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (also known as PGAD or Weiss Disease), which results in uncontrollable and spontaneous ejaculations in men. Mr. Kennedy suffers as many as 100 orgasms per day.
Mr. Kennedy became another expense for tax-payers when he suffered 12 orgasms while being beaten and choke-holded by police officers during a routine traffic stop yesterday, forcing officers to personally cover the cost of dry-cleaning their uniforms while the department figured out how to pay for an expense not covered in the highly scrutinized and controversial city budget.
Unfortunately for Mr. Kennedy, the arresting officers were unfamiliar with PGAD. By the time Kennedy was handcuffed in the back seat of the patrol car, seven officers and their uniforms were laden with Kennedy’s ejaculate, according to the police report.
The ramifications of the incident were discussed at a press conference, in which Police Chief Ronnie Bertleson showed the stains on the uniforms. Chief Bertleson said he feels “bad for Kennedy, but his face can heal, but the real victim here is once again the tax-payers.” He then gave the media a close look at the stains while reminding voters that “when you vote to cut the police budget, this is what we’ll be wearing when you send us out to look for your teenage daughter who was supposed to be home in bed three hours ago,” Bertleson said.