NASA’s $2.7B “Perseverance” Rover Only Finds Building Blocks For “Unexciting and Disgusting” Microbial Life on Mars

Public Bathrooms Could Have Offered Far More Microbial Diversity For $5 of Lab Supplies, Space Agency Admits NASA’s Mars rover cost $2.7B After spending “you don’t want to know how much” of tax-payers’ money sending a sophisticated probe to Mars, NASA announced in an email that the Perseverance probe found […]

Methamphetamine-Fed Trees May Remove Enough Atmospheric CO2 to Reverse Climate Change, Cartel Study Finds

A cartel-produced, peer-reviewed study published in this month’s Cartel Science Magazine found that trees fed a soluble methamphetamine based food source metabolized – and consequently eliminated from the atmosphere – 50-110% more carbon dioxide (CO2), a greenhouse gas implicated as a primary driver of climate change, than trees in the […]

Whistleblower Alleges Government’s “UFO” Report Omits Inter-Galactic Sex Trafficking

Lizard alients are particularly horny, their sex toys use technology that makes them “fucking incredible” Aliens are here and the government has no intention of coming clean. That’s the claim of an anonymous government whistleblower. Additionally, the aliens are reptilian, and they have been abducting large numbers of reptiles from […]