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Urban Dictionary Takes Center Stage at Scripps National Spelling Bee, Court-Ordered Affirmative Action a Success

Even affirmative action skeptics were impressed by the profound effect of the court-mandated Urban Dictionary spelling bee quotas.

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Affirmative Action Quotas No Longer in Doubt After decades of "whitespeak" (Anglo-centric linguistics), the Scripps National Spelling Bee was forced by a federal judge last month to source 50% of its competition words from Urban Dictionary, a user-generated online dictionary that is considered a modern, multicultural reference for language. The ACLU lawsuit is one of many … [Read more...]

Black Man Abducted & Beaten by Aliens. Local Police “In Awe” of Sophisticated Alien Beating

Aliens are "way beyond" simple choke-holdings and pistol-whippings, police say.

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Jim Davis, a 38 year old black man from Albany, NY was allegedly abducted and beaten by aliens sometime early Saturday morning. The aliens beat Mr. Davis with highly sophisticated techniques that have local police “in awe” and crime reviewers swooning. According to a police report filed the next day, the aliens beat Davis with “utter majestic precision…a magnificent … [Read more...]

Lottery Winner Inspires Others, “If I Can Beat the Odds, Anyone Can!”

She was just a farmer's daughter with an 8th grade education. "Everyone told me I was going nowhere...look how wrong they were," she said.

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Chris Weir is one of the few of the rich and famous who decide to give back in a meaningful way. "I know a lot of famous people who never look back to where they came from," Powerball winner Chris Weir said, "They never think about their roots or try to help anyone come up. That's not us," she said. You Don't Need a "Fancy Education" "You don't need a fancy education … [Read more...]

New NASA Study Decodes God’s Mysterious Ways, Explains Why Some Children Die of Cancer

How could God allow millions of children to die every year? Turns out, there are very good reasons.

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God no longer works in mysterious ways. After pouring over decades of data on subjects such as child mortality, automobile fatalities, freak accidents, and more, NASA researchers say they can explain why some children die horrible, painful deaths. … [Read more...]

Statistician Charles Murray’s Data Remains Racist Despite Protests

"Bell Curve" author visits Middlebury College; students demand normal distribution curves that are not racist or sexist.

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For 25 years, "The Bell Curve" author Charles Murray has repeatedly presented the same racist and sexist data sets to the public, his critics say. "Here we have another old white male trying to keep minorities down," said Amanda Kennedy, a sophomore at Middlebury College pursuing an East Asian Religions major. "His data hasn't changed at all in decades. There is a mean … [Read more...]

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